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<title>i'll hold it up with you by onegoodhonestkiss</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511778">i'll hold it up with you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/onegoodhonestkiss/pseuds/onegoodhonestkiss'>onegoodhonestkiss</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>just the two of us - helenie au [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Gore, F/F, Hair Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, Minor Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Self-Destruction, Self-Worth Issues, Watching Someone Sleep, its minor tho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:09:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,534</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/onegoodhonestkiss/pseuds/onegoodhonestkiss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>" the sky is coming down blue,<br/>and I'll hold it up with you "</p><p>or, melanie reaches for her knife the moment she wakes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Melanie King/Helen Richardson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>just the two of us - helenie au [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll hold it up with you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ok this is pretty nonsensical if ur not accustomed to my au !! but basically it's slaughter avatar melanie in the apocalypse, w background stranger tim and lonely martin!! melanie murdered tim at the end of s4 and is now on a mission to murder the not!them in a bid to get her girlfriend (georgie) back</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>helen watches melanie sleep, sometimes.</p><p>it's the only time she truly gets to see her be peaceful, really. she's always balancing on a knife's edge of fury. she is unmatched, she is cruel. she is <em>incredible.</em> but she never gets to relax, hackles always raised, brow always furrowed. it's so lovely to see her muscles detense, her eyes soften in the corners- the way they only seem to do around her. wistful thinking, obviously, but it's sweet to think about nonetheless. </p><p>it worries her, how sick melanie's getting. if helen said that to her face, she'd probably laugh it off. not cruelly- never cruelly. melanie wouldn't ever do that to her. but she'd brush it off in the easiest way she could- with humour. funny. jon's told helen tim would do the same. now, isn't that <em>ironic. </em>the only difference is that tim was getting better, near the end- still irreparably damaged, but beginning to find himself again.</p><p>melanie doesn't smile, anymore. her eyes brighten when she's happy- aka when helen rescues her from yet another suicide mission- she smirks malevolently when she's moving in for the kill, and she laughs at her victim's pleas. but that's all helen gets to see, anymore. melanie's always been angry, helen <em>knows </em>this- but she's never been without a smile, and it's like a sky without stars. she's still her melanie, though. she'll always be her melanie. </p><p>it would be hypocritical of helen to think differently of melanie for what she's becoming- helen herself is undoubtably not the same helen who first came to the institute. it's a little different, though, she supposes, watching someone you care about tear themselves to shreds without even knowing the implications of what they're doing- helen had nobody when she was taken by michael; nobody to mourn her and nobody to cry over her death and rebirth. </p><p>"care about." is such a funny phrase- to helen, at least, in a bitterly ironic way. what defines caring about a person? how easily can those feelings change? do those feelings ever truly subside? melanie had cared about tim. jon had cared about melanie. helen cares about melanie. what does that mean for them? </p><p>helen can't imagine turning on melanie like she had on tim. helen <em>knows</em> minds, knows how they tick and can transform love to hatred with ease. she can see how scenarios play out, and none of all her messy, distortion-y consciousness can visualise a scenario in which her spiralling mass isn't completely and utterly in love with melanie king. </p><p>hmm. her hair's all knotted and messy, some parts slick with dried blood- unlikely to be her own, thankfully, but at this point it could be anyone's. she killed, earlier, and the blood spray coated them both- helen cleaned herself up, but melanie couldn't be bothered despite helen's protests. it's a little sickening, dyed electric blue beginning to tint with all the clotted blood clogging it up, streaks of purple lacing with brown roots. mph, helen wishes melanie would take care of herself, or at <em>least</em> let her help a little. </p><p>carefully, as lightly as she can, she laces the tips of her fingers through melanie's hair, the multitute of bends in her finger-adjacent limbs allowing her to be feather-light. she's not going to do anything drastic, as much as she wishes melanie would let her pamper her- a haircut, a wash, just anything to make her feel more than just unhindered rage and self hatred. it would be so lovely to show melanie there's worth to existing, that her self-destructive rampage is unneeded. but she's just going to get some of the clumps of dried blood out, and maybe the knots too if she's lucky.</p><p>having fetched a little handtowel from the makeshift bathroom helen's manifested inside her halls, she threads her fingers through her curls. one of the first things helen noticed about melanie was her hair- vibrant, fluffy curls that were dyed, at the time, a gorgeous shade of navy. all thick eyeliner and a purple-tinted sneer, she was captivating- like a trick of the light you're afraid to look away from in case it disappears. the other assistants were annoying at best, basira snappy and martin too miserable to hold a conversation with, but melanie <em>saw </em>her. she was the first person to treat helen like she mattered since she'd merged with the distortion. </p><p>navy was georgie's favourite colour on melanie, apparently. she hasn't worn it since the day helen rescued her from blinding herself. she wears monotone, now, every shade of gray under the- well, not the <em>sun, </em>but you catch the drift nonetheless. the <em>eyes.</em> </p><p>clumps of hair come away with the blood she's gently combing from melanie's hair, and helen would've gagged were she a little more human. as is, she isn't particularly disgusted by the knowledge of that the woman she's in love with is splattered with the blood of yesterday's kill, she's simply frightened for her. she's already falling so far, and it terrifies her beyond words. helen- for all her monstrousness and all her lack of humanity- even she wouldn't wish what has become of her on anyone at all, least of all melanie king. </p><p>hmm. melanie king. the side of her hair closest to helen is distinctly less disarrayed, and the sharp edges of helen's fingers distinctly more coated in dry, flaky blood. but melanie's still fast asleep- longest she's slept undisturbed in quite a while, actually, which makes helen happier than it should do as a supposedly unfeeling monster. helen's desperate to do more, help more. she's uncertain <em>how</em> to help, though. there's so much she wishes she could do, but she doesn't know <em>how- </em>she's a creature of destruction, of insanity and the decimation of mental health. she is not a creature of kindness, of help and therapy, and she detests herself for that. and yet she still wants to persevere, to try her best to help her however she can. </p><p>pressing the damp washcloth to melanie's face as softly as she can, she wipes off more of the blood staining her cheeks. its thick, and revoltingly clumpy- blood has never been the spiral's forté, and it <em>certainly </em>wasn't that of helen richardson's. she sighs, heart skittering even more than typical of the distortion, and continues the task at hand with the care and practice of someone dearly in love. </p><p>and then a hand grips helen's wrist, and a knife's at her throat. </p><p>ice cold and tight as a vice, melanie's hold on helen only strengthens as she rubs at her still-closed eyes, visibly still under the control of sleep. "get your hands off me." she says flatly, "or i'll cut your throat." </p><p>well, this is a concerningly bad reaction. helen's not sure how to react, but she takes her hands off melanie compliantly. "melanie- lanie, it's me." she says softly, still somewhat in shock. how on <em>earth </em>did melanie get that knife out so fast, where did it come from- she's thrown. she isn't angry, though, which is kind of twistedly funny- helen is a monster, cruel and unfeeling. and yet she only feels worry for the mental state of the woman with a blade to what passes for her throat. she should be furious, she should want to kill her, to drive her insane- but she isn't.</p><p>said woman blinks at her blearily, driving sleep from her eyes. "helen?" she asks- softly, brokenly, and it's all helen can do to nod, knife still tight against her throat. "<em>fuck-</em> i'm sorry." regret's dawning in her eyes as she lowers her weapon, nose scrunching up as she shudders with tearless sobs. there's genuine horror in her expression, and helen just wants to hold her. "i'm so sorry- i'm sorry, i'm so so sorry-"</p><p>helen's not-eyes well with what she wishes were tears, cradling melanie in her arms. "it's okay- it's okay- i was just cleaning you up from earlier- i'm sorry for scaring you, lanie." melanie's feather-light, barely leaving an impression on the legs she's sat on, and helen holds her tight as if she could blow away, keeping her grip on her, grounding her. </p><p>"i'm sorry, helen, i didn't mean to hurt you, i'm sorry-" </p><p>"melanie, you didn't- i'm fine, i promise. it's okay, it's all okay." </p><p>"i don't know why i went for the knife- i'm so so sorry, i don't know what's wrong with me-" </p><p>that makes helen wince, though she covers it easily as one of her glitches. she still doesn't know what she's becoming, and she's so <em>lost. </em>helen doesn't have an excuse for not telling her. it's cowardice, plain and simple- fear that she'll lose what they have right now, that melanie will be hurt, that her reason to live will be taken from her once again and it'll be all because of helen. were she a braver person she'd tell her right now. were she helen richardson she'd tell her right now. but she's not. she will, eventually- it just needs to be the right time. and that <em>isn't </em>now. </p><p>"i don't know either, lanie, but it's okay, i promise. you haven't done anything wrong, there's nothing to worry about." <em>liar.</em></p>
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